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Today, the news Finally Broke Me

** Trigger Warning: This post discusses my personal grieving for those who I love as well as tragedy detailed in the news. Read if you’re feeling strong and resilient as it is not an upbeat post.


January is finally over. February has only just begun. However, I feel I have experienced a lifetime of hardship over the past thirty three days.

My year started with a bittersweet mark on my heart, still grieving my Uncle Jim. I was so blessed with being able to say goodbye, and say, we love you, on behalf of myself and Baby Butterball. But my heart still experiences pangs of sadness.

One of my past students, passed away tragically, just as the year began to unfold. My heart broke for him, his mother, his family. Memories of this beautiful boy and the lessons he gave me came back and sprinkled through my thoughts. I understand we must trust God’s plan, but it still hurts when someone so young is taken so suddenly.

The devastation of Australia’s bushfires and its damning impact on all creatures, great and small. Its catastrophic effect on people, their homes and their resilience. Nature, obliterated. It is a time of helplessness, unity and being exposed to the raw emotion connected to uncontrollable disaster. The fires are still burning and our country is still on tenterhooks. I feel like I am just waiting and hoping for it all to be over without any further atrocities.

The unexpectedly tragic passing of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna as well as the other seven passengers: Ara Zobayan, Sarah Chester, Payton Chester, John Altobelli, Keri Altobelli, Alyssa Altobelli and Christina Mauser. I knew very little about them all, but the thought of several family members passing away together, broke my heart. I thought of Vanessa Bryant and her daughters.

Coronavirus and it’s spreading constantly being broadcast. Being alert and aware. Not so much for me, but for my Butterball. In turn, from Coronovirus, I am exposed to Xenophobia on social media. Unfortunately, ignorance is not always bliss.

Tonight, however, I finally broke down sobbing. 2020, you got me.

On the first day of February, at 8pm, a drunk driver killed four innocent children and injured three others. Three of the children murdered were a brother and two sisters. The other child, their cousin.

Seeing the father speak solemnly about his children’s passing and seeing images of their mother praying at the site of the tragedy just tore my heart apart.

This news finally broke me, well and good.

Today, I kissed, cuddled and held Butterball a little more, a little tighter and with so much gratitude.

With my whole heart and soul, I pray for my family, friends, acquaintances and the like. I pray for your health, your safety, your love and your security. I pray that you all find something positive that warms your heart. I pray that the tragedies of 2020 are over and the hearts of the grieving find solace. I pray for God to now give us peace, calm and the strength to go forward.

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